I don’t even want 5%. I’m going to make someone out there a ka-billionaire (a ka-billion is the billionaire equivalent in Kazakhstani tenge), and I don’t want a single tenge in return.
Like most cyclists, I ride all the hell over the place in a state of not-quite-contentment, hyper focused on, for example, the amount of sweat I produce and the inability of the left shoulder of my jersey to absorb it all. I couldn’t tell you why I exclusively swipe left when I ride. My right shoulder, while not entirely dry, could certainly, ahem, shoulder more of the sweat burden, but I am just made this way.
Also, before we go any further, PLEASE don’t post comments about getting a headband or one of those Guttr devices that channels sweat away from your forehead (into the face of the person riding behind you). What we’re doing here today is dreaming the big dreams. We’re becoming ka-billionaires. Don’t let a reasonable approach to a non-problem derail this paceline of fun, he said mixing metaphors pretty tragically.
I dream of a jersey with a left shoulder chamois. It should be highly absorbent, like a diver’s poolside towel, soft to the touch, and it should NOT look like one of those oversized sponges you buy at the autoparts store. To be successful, this thing is going to have to work (i.e. be able to store up to a gallon of perspiration) and also not make me look like the Fred I am. If possible, it should make me look less Fred-like, which, come to think of it, might be worth more than the hydrodynamics-defying absorbency.
I feel certain that, if we could all get in one room, we could spitball at least ten great new cycling product ideas in an hour or so, assuming there was an espresso maker and none of was sitting in an overly moist chamois.
Since we’re not going to be getting together in the near future, this week’s Group Ride asks, what heretofore unseen cycling product have you invented in the dank basement of your mind? Maybe yours is data related. People love data. Maybe yours is comfort inducing? Speed making? Share your ideas. Anything I make money on I’ll give you 5%.
Image: Seuss, M.D.