I skipped dinner. I was working. It was not the best idea, but I rationalized that a juice and a coffee would get me by, and going to bed hungry would aid my early season death march back to fitness.
Someone once told me they heard Bjarne Riis’ race diet plan was: Ride hard all day. Go home. Drink two liters of seltzer and take two sleeping pills. Get in bed. The next morning, drink a coffee and get on your bike and ride hard all day.
This may or may not be fiction.
So I was working late, doing an event at a local shop. I “settled” my nerves with the coffee, talked for about 2 and 1/2 hours, and then drank the juice in the car on the way home. Back at the house, I prepped my bike for the morning, filled some water bottles, took a shower and went to bed.
When the alarm went off at 5:30 and I stumbled into my bibs, I could have eaten my chamois I was so hungry. Blasting across town to the meet up, I stopped at the coffee shop for another dose of dark courage and a pastry, thinking to put something in the tank so as not to bonk inside the first five miles.
So I didn’t bonk. I felt fine-ish. I mean, I felt as fine as I’m going to feel after a winter like we’ve had and too much work leading into the season. My form is nowhere. Fitness is a vague memory. What did it feel like?
No, don’t tell me. I love surprises.
The ride finished at the office, and I drank another cup of coffee that had gone cold on my desk before trying to work the helmet lines out of my hair. I used the deodorant I keep in my drawer, and I made some instant oatmeal, and then tore into the morning’s email.
Then I think I bonked.
Can you bonk, sitting at your desk? Is that even possible? It came on like any bonk does, I was rolling along thinking everything was harder than it really was…and then I was enraged. Everything was wrong. Everyone was an asshole. Except they weren’t. I was. And that’s usually how I know I’ve bonked. That’s the tell.
This week’s Group Ride asks, what is the strangest experience you’ve had with the fringale, the man with the hammer? Where were you? How did you get yourself into that situation? And how did you get out?