Happy New Year to all of you. I’m going to use this week’s column to catch up on a few things and, hopefully, do my part to drive a stake into that one story that just won’t die.
First off, I hope that you’re able to get through at least the first week of 2013 without breaking any of your resolutions.
Sadly, I guess I already have. Out here in the high prairie of Wyoming, it’s just been too dang cold to get in “at least a short ride every day of the year.” I have two beautiful touring bikes in the garage, just waiting to be tested for a magazine article, but Laramie streets are covered in ice and temperatures have consistently stayed below zero (and yeah, we’re talking Fahrenheit here) since I put that new calendar on the wall.
Well, at least the wind isn’t blowing. (Yeah, just wait, Pelkey.)
I have other excuses on tap, too. Late last year, two other lawyers and I got motivated to go out on our own and, as of January 1, the firm of Neubauer, Pelkey and Goldfinger, LLP, officially opened its doors, just a block from the county courthouse. We’ll see how that goes.
Cheap advice I
I also want to mention again that I welcome readers’ question on a variety of subjects. Looking through old “Explainers” here at RKP and over at VeloNews, the collection includes columns on everything ranging from B.S. sales pitches by the manufacturers of supplements to bike racing near the front in World War II to questions about bounced checks from race promoters to the very first guy to have his Tour de France title stripped.
Seriously, if you do have a question that you’d like to see addressed in this column, feel free to send an email to my personal address at Charles@Pelkey.com.
“The Explainer” was originally intended to serve as a quick way to answer common questions during the Tour de France and other major races. It’s kinda morphed into something else, but I do look forward to addressing your questions.
I admit that we’ve gotten distracted along the way, particularly in light of the news that came out this fall from USADA about that one guy from Texas.
Oh yeah, that reminds me … the aforementioned story that simply will not die.
Cheap Advice II
The Twitterverse is all abuzz this morning with news that one Lance Edward Armstrong is now poised to confess to the world that he had, indeed, used performance-enhancing drugs.
Gee. What next? I hear Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is finally going to admit that he’s rather tall, too.
According to the New York Times’ Juliet Macur, Armstrong’s thinking is that he might just get that life-time ban reduced to the point where he could actually think about competing in triathlon and other sports before his AARP membership kicks in.
In other words, there won’t be an ounce of contrition in that heartfelt confessional from Saint Lance. If it happens, it will be done for the most self-serving of reasons.
Look, if I wanted to hear stories about your cheating, Mr. Armstrong, I’d listen to the people who have been telling the truth since 1999. I’d talk to David Walsh, Emma O’Reilly, Betsy Andreu, Greg LeMond (the only American to ever win the Tour de France, by the way) or good ol’ Bob Hammon, who runs SCA and is looking to get a few million back from ya. I really don’t need your spin on the subject anymore.
Seriously, Lance, just walk away. Settle your lawsuits; pay off your lawyers; hell, you might even get that crack legal team of yours to work a plea deal on a potential perjury charge. Then get the @#$% outta here.
You’ll still have tens of millions in the bank. When all’s said and done, you’ll have a pretty good life … unless it’s the attention you want. Look, you’re a rich guy. Go do what you say you do on your Twitter page and focus on “raising my 5 kids.” Like your former sponsor said, “Just do it.”
I don’t care if you confess, but please, just go away. Move on. More importantly, let the sport move on. Racing fans, riders and yes, even cancer patients … really, we’ll all be just fine without you.
It’s over, man.
The Explainer is a weekly feature on Red Kite Prayer. If you have a question related to the sport of cycling, doping or the legal issues faced by cyclists of all stripes, feel free to send it directly to The Explainer at Charles@Pelkey.com. PLEASE NOTE: Understand that reading the information contained here does not mean you have established an attorney-client relationship with attorney Charles Pelkey. Readers of this column should not act upon any information contained therein without first seeking the advice of qualified legal counsel licensed to practice in your jurisdiction.