April Fools' Jokes for Cyclists

I don’t think that I’ve mentioned before that my good friend Kenny is being sponsored by Spot bikes this year. Yeah, that’s right: the company doing that radically cool new belt drivetrain.

Well, they just sent him his bike (Unfortunately, Kenny hasn’t received the seatpost, saddle, or (saddest of all) drivetrain yet — those arrive next week). So Kenny — who just happens to have a photo studio in the back of his store — took and sent a few pictures. Always wanting to engender good feelings among my female demographic, I’m happy to share.

As a service for the ladies out there who want to make Kenny their desktop image, you can click on any of the below pictures for a larger version.

Blue Steel
Kenny does his “Blue Steel” look. Little does he realize that I’ve let the air out of his front tire.

Insert drivetrain here. Also, check out those sexy spoke nipples.

Not built on the cheap
Look at the components here. This was not built on the cheap.

I notice three things about this picture. First, Kenny looks so happy he may soon bust out into giggles. Second, due to the way the crank is positioned, it looks like Kenny’s wearing very high heeled shoes. Third, those glasses make him look like he needs to get back to work on at turning the lathe.

Like a lot of cyclists, I’m very interested to get a firsthand look at that belt drivetrain. Once Kenny’s got his bike together, I promise a good long writeup, with lotsa pictures…both of the bike and of Mr. Jones.

April Fools Jokes for Cyclists

A Note from Fatty: I’ve got a new article posted at BikeRadar today. You know the drill: you can read a snippet below, or click here to read the whole thing at BikeRadar.com.

April first is right around the corner, which means you need to put all other thoughts aside and ask yourself: “How can I, as a cyclist, make a fool of my friends and family?”

Due to the expensive nature of the sport, the complex social interactions involved, and the obscene amount of time cycling requires, your April Fools’ jokes options are practically unlimited.

I offer these as examples.

New Bike
If you are anything at all like me, you have from time to time tried to sneak a bike into the stable, hoping your better half won’t notice one more bike among the legions already there. Therefore, if your significant other is anything like mine, she (or he) makes a point of scanning the garage on a daily basis, taking inventory of your bike stable to see if it has grown.

So, this April Fools, borrow a bike — a really nice bike, of about the same size of your other bikes — from a friend. Not to ride, but just to park. Put it by your other bikes in such a way that it looks like you’re trying to hide it.

And then don’t say a word.

When your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever eventually notices and asks about the bike, simply reply, “It’s just a bike.”

“You bought a bike without consulting me?” will be the response.

Look away. Swallow. Stammer. Then say, “Not exactly.”

“Exactly what, then?”

Which is when you say “April Fools!” and you both have a good laugh, or you get clobbered with the nearest heavy, blunt object. Could go either way.

Let the Air Out of One Tire
Before the ride, let all the air out of one of your riding buddy’s tires (while they’re not looking, of course). It’s a well-known fact that cyclists have a conditioned reflex to flats: go into FFTT (Flat Fix Time Trial) mode — see how fast they can fix the flat, without ever taking into consideration the possibility that nothing at all is wrong with the tire, except of course that there’s no air in it.

The best part of this trick is, of course, watching them futilely hunt for the offending thorn or piece of glass in the tire. Just for fun, keep count to yourself of how many revolutions of tire inspection they go through before giving up.

Bonus money-saving trick: After your riding friend has changed the tire, volunteer graciously to take the tube. You’ll get points for taking a bad tube off their hands, with the added benefit of having been given — absolutely free — a perfectly good tube.

Click here to continue reading “April Fools Jokes for Cyclists” at BikeRadar.com.

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