Back in Fat

Here are a few facts about my life as of late:

  • I’ve been stressed out because of Susan’s cancer and her decreased mobility
  • I’ve been stressed out because of work
  • I eat when I’m stressed
  • I’ve had time to ride maybe twice or thrice per week
  • When I’ve been riding, I’ve been taking it easy
  • There is between fifteen and seventeen pounds of “Fun Size” candy bars in my house
  • Days are shorter and colder, and comfort food sounds better than raw greens and fruit
  • The shorter, colder days also cause me to feel like climbing into a cave and sleeping until March. Oh, also I have this strange urge to swat salmon out of the river.

You’ll be surprised to find, therefore, that I’ve started gaining weight. Just like I do every autumn.

Warning Signs
When I was working off the weight for Leadville, I knew I’d never stay in the 140s. Too much work. So I knew I wouldn’t be able to wear the Medium sized jerseys forever.

I no longer even contemplate the Medium jerseys, and the Large jerseys are getting a little tight.

For some reason, there are particular pants in my closet that I no longer want to wear. They just aren’t as comfortable as they used to be. And I’ve reverted to my old habit of leaving shirts untucked. Strange.

How much do I weigh? Well, I have a pretty good idea, but not because I’ve actually been weighing myself. Oddly, I find myself scale-averse at this moment in time. Let’s just say that I’d be surprised if I’m still in the 150’s.

The Plan
Usually, when I start gaining my winter weight (always well ahead of winter), I get angry at myself, even as I help myself to a second carne asada burrito (extra cheese, add guacamole, thanks).

I’m doing something different this year: I’m embracing my fat.

No, not literally.

I’m accepting the fact that it’s been a crazy couple of months. I haven’t had the time nor willpower to stay light, and while my work life has calmed down (I completed the document that was giving my conniptions, and am happy to announce that I have not been fired), my desire to break the world record in fish taco consumption has not.

So I’m giving myself a pass. I’m going to eat what I want, when I want, all the way through Fall Moab (November 9 – 11).

On Halloween, I will gorge on candy — heavy emphasis on 3 Muskateers, Milky Way, and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. It will be a spectacle. You would be amazed.

While at Fall Moab, I will prove, once and for all, that nobody can eat more bratwurst than I. This is my superpower, folks, and I’m going to show it off a bit.

Then, on November 12, I’m going to start a Winter riding and dieting plan. I will begin eating right. I will begin riding consistently and according to whatever plan my coach, Robert Lofgran, gives me.

Except for on Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years.

In other words, by the time the new year rolls around, my weight should be right around 200.

Hey, we should have a guessing game around my weight. Knowing what you know now, what will be my weight on January 2nd?

I’ll give a Fat Cyclist T-shirt to the person who guesses closest.

PS: I apologize to each and every one of you for making AC/DC’s “Back in Black” the earwig you’ll be living with for the rest of the day.

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