5 Questions About the Tour de France Thus Far

Today, I have a few simple questions. Please answer them to the best of your ability. Thank you.

Question 1. Did the designer of the Euskaltel-Euskadi kit who put that half-moon at the top of the shorts want to make it to look like all the riders on the team have a horrible, horrible case of Plumber’s Crack? Or is that just an entertaining side-effect?

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Question 2. How come people keep sending Iban Mayo to the Tour?

Question 3. Has anyone else who has seen the movie The Triplets of Belleville noticed the separated-at-birth-level of resemblance of the kidnapped grandson in the movie and Juan Soler Hernandez?

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Question 4: Do you think it hurts Soler’s feelings when Liggett and Sherwen refer to him as “Mister Gangly,” a “Huge Spider on a Bicycle” or say, “well, he’ll never look good on a bicycle, but he can certainly make it go uphill?”

Question 4a: Do Liggett and Sherwen make fun of any other rider, or just Soler?

Question 5. Where’d Zabriskie go? He was in, and then he was out, and nobody ever said anything. (I have a theory on this one, actually: I think he was so deeply absorbed in the new Harry Potter book that he read through the night and into the morning. By the time he finished the book, his turn to race the TT had come and gone.)

Bonus Question: Suppose you record each day’s Tour stage, then carefully avoid learning any results during the day so you can enjoy watching it that night. Further suppose that today you accidentally found out that Rasmussen won another stage today. Finally, suppose that you shortly afterward find out that Rasmussen has since been kicked out of the TdF and has been fired. Supposing all these are the case, is there any point at all to watching today’s stage this evening?

PS: Sorry to spoil it for anyone who didn’t know Rasmussen won today’s stage. Seems like a moot point, tho.

PPS: I’d like to direct everyone’s attention to this little piece I wrote back in April. Not so absurd anymore, is it?

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