Why I Am Not Writing A Fake News Piece About Doping Today

I have this fake news piece bouncing around in my head right now. It’s just busting to come out, really. It would write itself, if I chose to let it.

But I’m not going to.

What the Fake News Piece Would Be About
If I were going to write a fake news piece today, it would be about how scientists discovered a parallel universe today that is identical to ours in every single way except that in this parallel universe, Lance Armstrong was a doper, just like — as it increasingly seems, with the admission of Bjarne Riis today — all the other top cyclists in recent memory.

In this parallel universe, Lance Armstrong — because he doped, unlike in this universe — dominated all the other cyclists even more, winning every stage of the tour, and then lapping the field in the final stage.

The implication, of course, is that it seems really strange that the top cyclists in the world, even doping, could not beat a guy who was racing clean.

But, as I mentioned, I’m not going to write it.

Why I’m Not Writing It
Here’s the thing. A couple of weeks ago, I went over to the LiveStrong site. In the Cancer Support section, I filled out a form detailing what’s up with Susan and the kind of help we would like.

I expected maybe a form letter back in a couple weeks, maybe a list of local resources I could contact on my own.

Instead, the next day, I got a call from a lady who stayed on the phone with me for 90 minutes, heaping practical help. She set us up with ways we could save money on prescriptions. She conference-called in research foundations, hooking us up with clinical trials we might participate in. And while she was the model of efficiency, she was also incredibly caring and personal. She gave me her direct number and told me to call her when I was ready to take next steps.

She was like Nordstrom on steroids.

So now I’m a big fan of the Lance Armstrong Foundation. How could I not be? It turns out all those yellow wristbands we’ve all worn (note to self: buy more wristbands) fund a foundation that is really making a difference in peoples’ lives. In my life.

So Lance gets a pass from me.

Permanently.

PS: Today’s weight: 156.2

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