So, If the B7 Ended Today, How Many People Would Fatty Owe a Jersey?

A Note from Fatty: Today’s post — which comes to you on the last day of this quarter, after which I expect to be able to breathe a little more freely for at least a little while — is written by frequent commenter and B7 competitor MSK, who has done a fabulous job crunching the numbers and figuring out who’s who in the B7. Read on below to get a good idea of MSK’s analysis of who’s likely to do well in the competition, as well as MSK’s psychic interpretations of what these competitors are like.

The Magnificent Seven
What I have attempted to do is give these 7 leaders a face, a personality based on what I know of them beyond the veil of anonymity that the web gives.

For instance, I imagine Al Maviva as a cross between a gorilla and Arnold Schwarzenegger (circa 1973), maybe with a little paunch, perched on a ridiculously small track bike in a velodrome with a cigar in his mouth and a single malt (maybe ice, certainly no water) in his malevolent fist.

The Leader: C
The current leader, the man to beat, is the simply named “C.” What does it stand for? Charlie, perhaps Charles or Chuck? Anyway, he is a 5’6” 30 yr old male from the Fan Francisco area.

Not much to go on other than he is kicking our butts.

I imagine Calvin like a whippet / greyhound (the dog, not the bus) except for instead of nipping at our heels, he’s streaking ahead of us, back arched, legs pumping.

Fatty has nobody but himself to blame on this one. He accepted a relatively low weight loss goal and may be (literally) paying the price.

But at a BMI of 22 currently, Cletus may not be able to lose much more weight – so really it’s all down to his uphill TT.

Caedmon has a nice stable of bikes: a Trek 5000, Cervelo One, Klein Pulse, and a Specialized Allez. Did you see the old Cervelo in there? We may have a closet triathlete on our hands – for shame.

SCORE: 96
Weight Loss Score: 92
Time Trial Score: 4
DETAILS
Starting Weight: 150
Weight Loss Goal: 15
Current Weight: 136.2
First Time Trial: 17:40
Current Time Trial: 16:53

Tigermouth
45-year-old male. Tigermouth has already dropped to a low BMI — around the 22 range — from big changes in his diet and is now slap dab in the middle of a healthy range.

Tiger (his friends call him Tiger, or at least I bet they do) has a bit of a niggling calf injury that may affect the TT. He doesn’t look too fat in the photos (looked like he was pushing out the gut a bit) and unfortunately has a bit of a farmers / cyclist tan with the quads to match. So when he is healthy watch out for the TT.

Tigermouth scares me a bit – I imagine him having the whole tiger face and a head band with one of those rising suns on it, he has the whole martial arts, zen thing going on – but then he does like the red socks and the patriots so can’t be too bright and thus not much of a threat.

SCORE: 89
Weight Loss Score: 91
Time Trial Score: -2
DETAILS
Starting Weight: 178
Weight Loss Goal: 23
Current Weight: 157
First Time Trial: 11:40
Current Time Trial: 11:57

In my humble opinion, these two may have come out of their respective blocks too fast and will be interesting to see if they can keep the weight off and improve the TTs.

Monkeyweb
An indeterminately aged male from far northern California, his avatar is the tricycle-riding chimp in a red suit and I just can’t get that out of my head for him.

Monkeyweb made a great wager with the lobster – mmmm lobster.

With a current BMI of 29.7, Monkeyweb certainly has the potential to keep losing the weight and get 110 pts there. Also anyone who can barf at the top of their TT is a serious contender.

Monkeyweb is also into the grapefruit in a big way, and that stuff is like magic — never underestimate the power of the grapefruit.

Definitely one to watch – smart money’s on the monkey.

SCORE: 88
Weight Loss Score: 74
Time Trial Score: 14
DETAILS
Starting Weight: 213.2
Weight Loss Goal: 28.2
Current Weight: 192.2
First Time Trial: 15:58
Current Time Trial: 13:43

Fatty
The man who needs no introduction.

Handsome, debonair, generous to a fault, altruistic, loved by women, respected by men with a rare comedic talent that surpasses all others (I could go on but his writing gets a bit difficult to read towards the end of the list).

So the bare bones: forty something [40.75, for what it’s worth – Fatty] male, height indeterminate [5’8″ – Fatty], somewhere in Utah. At his current weight (161) his ideal height is approx 5”11 [Thanks a lot -Fatty]. If he drops to 5”1” he is bordering on obese and if he climbs to 6’6”is at risk of becoming dangerously skinny [I’ll be sure to watch my height. Thanks. -Fatty]

Fatty’s seemingly brutal (again uphill) tt is what will really win him this challenge. The coaching and the cold hard cash at stake will keep his motivation up, too.

Having seen photos of Fatty it’s difficult to imagine him as anything else other than Fatty. The image I have in my head of him is from random reviewer when he reviewed his hair – well worth the read.

The sardonic arch of the eyebrow, the sarcastic, smug, smirk – it’s a wonder he doesn’t get beaten up more often. [More often than what, exactly? -Fatty]

SCORE: 75
Weight Loss Score: 59
Time Trial Score: 16
DETAILS
Starting Weight: 179.8
Weight Loss Goal: 31.8
Current Weight: 161
First Time Trial: 19:15
Current Time Trial: 16:14

Lisa b
Finally some xx representation. Seattleite, age and height indeterminate. I imagine Lisa is one of those always up, energetic outdoorsy people, longish curly maybe red hair (like a wee springer spaniel jumping playfully about my feet). Even to think of her energy makes me feel dull and lethargic

Coming off a big weight loss in 2006, Lisab leapt into the contenders with a 15lb loss in February. Her hubby rides, but coming off an injury – once he is back in the saddle watch for Lisa’s TT to drop considerably.

SCORE: 70
Weight Loss Score: 60
Time Trial Score: 10
DETAILS
Starting Weight: 162.6
Weight Loss Goal: 17.6
Current Weight: 152
First Time Trial: 10:16
Current Time Trial: 9:15

Msk
What can be said of this man that hasn’t already been said? – well plenty actually. Late 30s male, tall bordering on “really just too tall”, from the frozen wastes of Canada (thus an international representation). His intellect and strength of character are only matched by his humility and striking good looks.

I see myself like “Jack Reacher.” In case you are not familiar with this literary icon let me educate. “Reacher is a giant of a man, standing 6’5″ (1.96m) tall and weighing between 220-250 pounds.” “His lazy lopsided grin. His tousled hair. His arms, so long they gave him a greyhound’s grace even though he was built like the side of a house. His eyes, cold icy blue like the Arctic. His hands, giant battered mitts that bunched into fists the size of footballs.”

Others, however, fail to see the resemblance.

TT is a big disappointment for me currently, but once the spring hits and my seasonal affective depression clears up I will be a serious contender – mark my words (are you all shaking with fear out there?).

SCORE: 68
Weight Loss Score: 69
Time Trial Score: -1
DETAILS
Starting Weight: 237.4
Weight Loss Goal: 27.400000000000002
Current Weight: 218.4
First Time Trial: 11:07
Current Time Trial: 11:11

Fat Frank
Fat Frank is 58 yo male from Texas. He had not been on a bike in 5 yrs and is burning it up on the TT. 40% improvement. Wow.

I see Fat Frank standing by the barbeque or perhaps a smoker, short cropped salt and pepper hair, tongs swallowed up in his meaty grasp, beads of perspiration on his furrowed brow – maybe an old tattoo from the navy on his hairy forearms.

Frank is a man’s man, you would never be without a cold beer at Frank’s place – I wish I was there now, on the deck, warm sun on my face, aromas drifting over from the bbq, gnawing on a succulent rib .

If we ever get big Frank off the meat and eating some fruit and vegetables we all may as well pack up our bags as he will wipe the board with us.

SCORE: 65
Weight Loss Score: 25
Time Trial Score: 40
DETAILS
Starting Weight: 290
Weight Loss Goal: 60
Current Weight: 275
First Time Trial: 21:15
Current Time Trial: 12:40

Final Counsel
I have a feeling this battle will be won or lost on the TTs– you heard it here first (unless someone already said that).

PS: Today’s weight (161.4).

PPS: B7 competitors: It’s time for you to do your April weigh in and TT. Try to get it done by next weekend.

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