I Do Not Want To Give You This Bike

First off, welcome to those of you who found me via MSN’s “What’s Your Story?” page. It’s nice to have you here.

Now, whether you’re here for the first time or are one of the people who regularly contribute to what everyone knows is the best part my blog—the comments—you’ve picked a good day to come to this site. Because today I’m announcing the Larry H. Miller Tour of Utah / Fat Cyclist Cervélo Soloist Giveaway.

Yes, that’s right. The Larry H. Miller Tour of Utah has given me a dream bike (pictured below) to give away on my blog.

Excuse me while I hyperventilate into a bag for a few minutes.

OK, I’m better now.


Why Am I So Excited About Giving Away This Bike?

Those of you who are bike geeks already know what a big deal it is for me to be giving away a Soloist. It’s a dream bike. For the rest of you, let me do my best to explain, while hopefully not sounding like some hoity-toity elitist bike snob.

It all comes down to this: most people in the world never find out how great riding a bike can be. That’s because most bikes in the world are heavy, steer poorly, shift erratically, and brake unconvincingly.

It’s like everyone’s basing their impression of what driving a car is like based on having ridden in a Yugo, even though if they stretched just a little, they could be driving a brand new Lexus.

What I’m getting at is this: If you’ve never had a great road ride, the bike I’m giving away will change the way you see bicycles. It is light, fast, and sexy as all get-out.

Check me out: I’m Mr. Hyperbole today.


So How Do You Win The Bike?

Just click here and fill out the form. At the end of the Larry H. Miller Tour of Utah (August 12), we’ll pick an entry at random. That’s all there is to it. Specifically:

  • You don’t have to give up the names and addresses of your friends for us to spam.
  • You don’t have to embark on a pyramid scheme where you must get your friends to buy bushel after bushel of concentrated detergent, and you must also buy lots of that same detergent, and I get very rich from everyone having more soap than they can use in three lifetimes.
  • You don’t have to buy anything. In fact, there’s nothing to buy even if you want. Although if you really want to buy something, let me know and I’ll sell you an open container of Apple-Flavored Cytomax I don’t think I’ll ever make my way through. That stuff’s gross.

And What Will the Tour of Utah Guys Do With Your Name and Contact Info?

They’ll probably email you next year about the Tour of Utah. Pretty nefarious, eh? Go enter, already.



PS: I’m just kidding about selling the Cytomax. I don’t have any to sell. I wasn’t kidding about it being gross, though.

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