How to Freak People Out on Christmas

My gift to you on this holiday is explicit directions on how to make people think you are insane.
 
Today, you will very likely hear the phrase, “Merry Christmas.” Whenever someone greets you in this manner, take them literally: Start acting merry.
 
This is not as simple as it may at first seem. When’s the last time you saw someone actually being “merry” (which is defined in dictionary.com as: “Full of high-spirited gaiety; jolly“)?
 
OK, you’ve had a minute to think about it, and you’re not having much luck, are you? Well, I’ll remind you. Never in your whole entire life, that’s the last time you saw someone being “merry.”
 
So, my proposal: When someone says, “Merry Christmas,” take their advice to heart. This, I’m afraid, means you will immediately need to:
  • Prance.
  • Chortle.
  • Laugh from your belly.
  • Be jolly, if you’re able to picture what “jolly” even means.

Furthermore, do all of the above the entire day. After all, you have been told to be “merry” not just for the next five minutes, but for the duration of Christmas.

 
This will not be easy. It will wear you out. You will likely alienate friends and family.
 
Do it anyway.
 
People will ask what your problem is. Do not explain. Just give them a big hug, step back, look them up and down (with a twinkle in your eye, a goofy smile on your face), put your hands on your hips, throw your head back, and laugh. Laugh merrily.
 
If you manage to not be incarcerated by mid-afternoon, please: leave a comment and let me know how your day went. I really want to know.
 
Have a merry Christmas. If you dare.

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